My Heart on my Sleeve
If you are like me you prefer to keep indefinite situations private. Waiting to let you know that I am pregnant, that I am applying for a job, taking a entrance exam, or I might be moving are examples of situations I would have waited to share with you. Not because I didn't trust you, but because I would be inclined to react emotionally if things didn't work out. I didn't want you to see me cry. ALS has changed all that.
I never realized just how many times a day I swallowed that lump in my throat so I wouldn't cry. Now a day doesn't go by that I don't cry. I would like to say that I have really bad "allergies." Actually, I have Pseudobulbar Affect. I involuntarily cry and laugh. I can no longer hide my true feelings from you.
If you are close, I will probably even need you to wipe my eyes, nose and drool. I'm a hot mess when I cry. However, I am learning that it's okay. When I am touched for you or me you know. Letting you know that I need your prayers is more important than being stoic.
This next week I need your prayers. My new doctor's team in Augusta is doing research to find out what causes ALS and a cure. When I went to see him I agreed to participate in his study and donated a blood sample. Ten days later the doctor called to say that my lab indicated that I was a candidate to receive their treatment. He is not making any promises but he highly recommended that we try. Wednesday I begin the IV injections. Three to four hours a day, three days in a row for three months. I don't know what is going to happen but I would like to share this adventure with you! Please pray God's will be done and that I can be brave...even when I cry!
Tears in a Bottle - Skylar Kaylyn