"Then they reached Jericho, and as Jesus and his disciples left town, a large crowd followed him. A blind beggar named Bartimaeus (son of Timaeus) was sitting beside the road. When Bartimaeus heard that Jesus of Nazareth was nearby, he began to shout, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!” “Be quiet!” many of the people yelled at him. But he only shouted louder, “Son of David, have mercy on me!” When Jesus heard him, he stopped and said, “Tell him to come here.” So they called the blind man. “Cheer up,” they said. “Come on, he’s calling you!” Bartimaeus threw aside his coat, jumped up, and came to Jesus. “What do you want me to do for you?” Jesus asked. “My Rabbi,” the blind man said, “I want to see!” And Jesus said to him, “Go, for your faith has healed you.” Instantly the man could see, and he followed Jesus down the road."
When I first read this passage I laughed. Was Jesus being sarcastic? He was talking to a blind man and asking what do you want me to do for you? Duh, he wanted to see! However, the gift of sight would come at a price! If Jesus healed him, Bartimaeus's life would have to change. He would have to learn to live as a healthy man who could see. That's why Jesus asked him what he wanted!
This was a great story until one day Jesus asked me the same question. I told him that I didn't want to be afraid. I didn't want to let my fear of being abandoned dictate my relationships. I wanted to be healthy.
Now what would living healthy look like? First and foremost acknowledging that I would never be abandoned by the Lord. Secondly, allow myself to care about others and not run away if they got to close, and thirdly, be vulnerable.
God knew who would be the best partner for me as I grew. Someone who would inspire me to do the right thing, not make fun of my quirks, bring me flowers when I messed up, someone who would encourage me to minister way outside my comfort zone, support me and my dreams, and demonstrate God's love to me at my vulnerable time in life!
If I would not have allowed God to heal my heart I never would have married my husband! He continues to stand by me with my ALS. He won't allow me to revert back to my insecure ways. When I feel overwhelmed, embarrassed, dumb, shy, weak, or inadequate he comes along side of me and literally helps me keep going!
I am vulnerable every moment of every day but I am not afraid. I have a BIG God who will never leave me and a husband who is loving me by the grace of God! I am Blessed by God and Spoiled by my Husband!